a little note of what cancer has taught me...

once, i thought she was my number one enemy
i hated her and tried to toss her on fire
(the sensation of torturing her with knife, fire, and trampled on her body was kind of  multiple orgasms)

now i realize she is my teacher
my exclusive private maha guru
she's been teaching me a lot this past two years

she's opened my eyes though i could see nothing but darkness...
though most of the time i find it hard
to say that God's sitting right beside me, supporting me...

she's taught me not to force Him
to appear in my clouds.
heavy storms, thunderous rain, dark nights and my dumb stupidity
all work together blocking His Throne
for me to reach.
but she let me sense the Glorious Throne even when all the tiny hopes i've built
have never become a majestic  shape
of reality..

most of all she teaches me
to believe beyond what i see

my understandings will never suffice
but thank to her
who teaches me more to feel
not the unbearable pain in my body
and mind,
but the mighty hands are working beyond things i can comprehend...

humbly i'd say,
for me, physical recovery isn't the only proof of His promises that i seek

what matter most is, i know everything will turn out to be ok in the end... even if the world won't compell...

thanks to you ms. CA

#cancerpoetry